DaVinci Report, Part 1

I went into the hospital feeling healthy. Did not want this surgery. I know it's necessary, but I do not want it. Have not had time to get counseling that I sorely need. Offered to let my husband have it for me. Couldn't even get on the elevators at first.. had to let one group go ahead of us.

I was mad sitting in the waiting area. The hospital wanted $$ from us before the surgery. They called me into the financial office, only one chair. Hubby had check book.. I told them you don't need me. Went back to the waiting area and sat and crocheted. It was 10am, TV had a food show on and I had been NPO since midnight. MEAN!!!

I sat there and glared and crocheted.

Almost as soon as hubby came out of the financial office they paged me back to preop. Got undressed.. was given a bag to put my clothes in and a hospital gown and the stupid slipper socks to put on.

They started doing vitals, took my rings, watch, glasses, necklace gave them to hubby. I called the chaplain whose name had been given to me on the preop visit. She said she thought I was supposed to come in at noon.. I said no.. my surgery is at noon. She said I'll be right there!

She did manage to get there and we had a brief visit and prayer. I cried. The nurse came back and hubby said I was having anxiety. I said... not anxiety.. I'm grieving the loss of the woman I am now. The nurse went to get some medication.. she charted that she gave me Zofran and Versed. I think she only gave me Zofran, because I never got calm.

They moved me to the holding area and the anesthesiologist came to visit me. He asked if I would open my mouth, say ah and tilt my head back. I did, he said good. I asked about the epidural. He was surprised.. said they usually didn't do epidurals for DaVinci's. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I chose the wrong hospital... there's beginning to be so many little errors.

He said he would talk to my doctor. Ok, fine. I'm still crying. They ask if I got any versed. My husband tells whoever is asking that 2cc's of something was put into my IV, but we didn't see the vial.

My doctor comes over and sees me and asks if I have any more questions. I ask if she uses vaginal packing after surgery. She says no. I'm glad, one less thing to worry about. I give her my list of positive statements that I want said to me during surgery from Peggy Huddleston's "Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster" book.

Several people ask me to say my name and spell it. They want my birthdate. I started to ask if they wanted my drivers liscense or SS# too. They also wanted me to tell them what surgery was planned.

When I could tell them "DaVinci Assisted Total Laprascopic Hysterectomy with Bilateral Salpingo Oopherectomy and possible surgical staging".. they were all amazed. It amused them so much that I had to perform this feat for at least 3 other people. "you must be medical people" Yes and No. I believe in being well informed and taking as much responsibility as possible for my own health.

I have to say goodbye to my husband and they take me to surgery. Still awake, still crying. I boohoo all the way into the surgical suite.

The doctor and her assistant are looking at me with real concern in their faces.

They ask me if I got any Versed. I again tell them something was put in my IV, but don't know what. They're calling preop to check with the nurse, because versed and zofran were charted, but I'm still really sad. Just sobbing.

The anesthesiologist starts putting in the epidural, has to try 3 times. I feel something drip down my back during one of the tries and ask what I'm feeling.. no one will tell me. He apologizes for taking 3 tries.. I tell him the first time I ever had an epi it took 5 tries and that was 20 years and many pounds ago.. so 3 is not at all bad in my book. He said that made him feel a little better.

They then have me move onto the operating table. I'm thinking I wish I was asleep before all this happened. I'm so scared and I don't want this necessary surgery. Still crying.

I guess they finally decide to give me something for agitation, because I'm much too alert for their liking. asking too many questions that they don't want to answer. It burns for a minute and then it stops. Shortly after that, he says something like, say goodnight. and gives me something in my IV and the next thing I know I'm vaguely hearing someone say "no, let's leave it in for pain control".

I'm in the PACU. Post Anesthesia Care Unit. What we used to call the Recovery Room.

A little later, I'm in severe pain.. but not in my abdomen. My arm is killing me.. it feels like it did when I broke my humerus about 8 years ago.

I'm yelling.. "Help Me. I'm being ignored !!" One of the nurses came over and sharply told me you're not being ignored, there are other patients here.

I told her I was hurting very badly in my arm & shoulder. I heard her say to someone else.. gas pains. (In lap surgeries they pump your abd full of CO2.. and the gas can make you hurt in weird places.. shoulders are one of them). I told her no.. it wasn't gas, it was an old fracture .. and it hurt again. I had forgotten to warn anyone preoperatively that I have reduced range of motion in my right arm because I have adapted to it in my everyday life. I never think about the right arm being more fragile than the left.

They finally let my husband come in and he confirmed that I had had an avulsion fracture of my right humerus a while back. He rubbed it and made it feel a lot better. We talked a little bit. He told me something about the pathology report, but I'm still too groggy to take it all in. I got my wedding rings back. He had to leave because they only let family stay a little while in recovery.

I had a lot of discomfort from my shoulder, but no pain meds ordered for it. I just had to tough it out. We had asked for a private room, none were available. We waited and waited and waited. It seemed like there wasn't going to be a room available until morning and I would spend the night in the PACU. I asked to see my husband again.

They let him come in and we talked about whether to wait on a Private and let him go on back to the hotel or take a semi private and risk the fact that he wouldn't be able to stay with me the whole time.

We decided to wait on the private, and I sent him on back to the hotel so he could get some sleep since I would be in the PACU until morning (he had had a really bad day the day before surgery, so he was dragging).

Of course, about an hour after he left, a room became available. I got into my room about 1am.

~~I'll post more later. This makes me sad just to type it. ~~

Please stay tuned

I had surgery. It was successful. I am probably cured of endometrial cancer by this surgery.

I am also very tired and need to conserve my energy.

I will post all about the surgery et al when I am feeling better.

Unending thanks and gratitude to all the thoughts and prayers that were lifted up in my name. I could not have gotten this far without your help....my friends.

Ignorance as a route to happiness?

Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be diligent.

And sometimes you really really wish you had left well enough alone.

Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss.

I wish I was still ignorant.

This weekend I realized I had not seen a report of the evaluation of my biopsies by the laboratory in Dallas, that was done July 11th. So I called them today.

The pathologists there think they already see cancer.

Endometrial Adenocarcinoma, Endometroid type.
FIGO Grade I associated with complex atypical hyperplasia.

However, the ca that they saw is very small.. 2mm (less than 1/8th an inch). However, I'm still in shock. Went shopping for stuff for family then came home and cried.

I have the path report right in front of me and keep going over and over and over it.

Staging can't be done until surgery. We'll know more then.

I had this report faxed to my surgeon in Houston.

Willowy Peach Afghan

I'm working on an afghan made up mainly out of my own head...but the square pattern is from Jan Eaton's 200 squares book. It's the "Willow" Square. (that reminds me.. I haven't seen the Movie Willow in awhile.. might be time to dig it out again. Dang.. I just had a huge brain freeze on the actor in that movie.. the same one who played Jim Morrison in the Doors... sheesh)

Back to the afghan.

Colors are all by Caron Simply Soft.. Country Peach, Copper Kettle, Chocolate, OffWhite and (perhaps) Berry Blue.

Here's some pics of what I have so far.... still haven't figured out the perfect layout. And I go back and forth between liking the Peach & Copper or the Peach & Chocolate squares the best.

(please excuse the messy bed.. and the ends not woven in yet.. since I might be taking some of these back apart.. I didn't want to do that yet.)





The square in different color combos (one of them has a country blue instead of berry blue)




some other squares in the same colors...




Almost all the squares so far

Any opinions on what I should do? I'm waning to emphasize the peach color. DD says she likes the Peach & copper best.. and that I could mainly do it and scatter randomly (very randomly) the others.. then do the peach and chocolate as a border around the outside.

I dunno...I don't have enough made yet to lay that out and see.

I'm making this for myself.. as a cuddly for in the hospital (if I finish it in time) and afterwards. Peach is the color for endometrial cancer. They're still not sure if I have cancer or not.. but I'm trying to get myself mentally psyched.. just in case.