DaVinci Hysterectomy

I just found that there is a video of the type of surgery I had on Youtube.

Embedding is disabled, so I'll just post the link to it. It's a looooong Youtube.. 63 minutes, but very cool. And it's not hard to watch. I was afraid, thinking it would bring back memories of all I went through, but it wasn't hard at all. And it's not gross or disgusting with bloodiness either.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJ5snlmUuxc


Alleluia! Christ is Risen.

Christ is Risen indeed. Alleluia!

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Someone read the above post about DaVinci hysterectomy and never bothered to read the other parts of my blog......

Dear reader,

I am very aware of female anatomy. I do not need to be referred to where you wanted to send me and I won't refer others there. I do not chose to approve your comment because I don't want others misled.

When I was foundering about with my CANCER diagnosis I did contact them. They recommended a couple of procedures that IF I had followed ... I could have worsened my condition.

PLEASE read why someone has gone through a procedure rather than just having a knee-jerk reaction.

My hysterectomy was not performed lightly or for frivolous reasons, nor was it performed by a gynecologist as your comment inferred. It was to SAVE MY LIFE from CANCER!!! And it was performed by an ONCOLOGIST/Gynecologist.

sincerely,

The blogger whose cancer was caught very early and now has a 97% survival rate.

When do I get to grieve?

Well, I've finally come to the acceptance part of the five stages of grieving...I never thought I would get here.

I was stuck in Denial for quite a while, then Anger came along at having to have all of my female organs removed, I think Bargaining came in with wanting treatment with Megace and weight loss. Depression I am still moving through and have begun to accept that I will have to have surgery after all.

What I want to know is when do I get to be sad for myself? when will someone just hold me and let me cry? When will someone acknowledge that yes, it will be sad to no longer have uterine orgasms? I want someone to be sad for me.. and to QUIT TELLING ME IT WILL BE OK!!! Dammit.. it's not OK and never will be again!!!

I know I have to get this precancerous stuff out of me. Fine, I can do that. But please let me grieve.. hold me and let me cry without trying to make me feel better. Cry with me, it's ok.. I won't break just because I'm crying... but I need to cry and no one wants to let me.

Questions answered and more arise in their place

Went back to the doctor yesterday with my questions that had arisen over the weekend. 3 pages of them.

My doctor looked at them and started commenting about how smart I was to do this, I told her no.. it was my mild OCD kicking in and trying to regain a little control over the rollercoaster that has become my life recently. I was actually supposed to see both doctors, mine and her partner, (partner will be leading the surgery) but they thought partner had already left for the day. After I had finished talking to her, we found him and I got to talk to him also. Some of the answers were different, but not markedly so.

I got a lot accomplished. I got hormone levels done (4 sticks.. I'm a hard draw. Not complaining, just a fact) and I should get those results on Thursday. Hopefully this will show how far I am into menopause.

We discussed the possibility of keeping my cervix.. but that won't happen. sigh. Too much chance of cancer having invaded there.

I did get a script for Xanax. This has been very helpful. I took one after we got home and it relaxed me so much I was able to sleep for 2 hours straight. I will cut them in half from now on though... and be very judicious in taking them. I don't want to be zombied or too numb to work through the grieving process. But there are times that the crying just goes on and on and on..that would be the time to use the med. (this is when it was good that I had seen my doc first.. *male* partner said he wouldn't have given me anything.. ha.. he doesn't have to live with this overly emotional woman)

I also got a consult with a Gyn/Oncologist in Dallas at the Baylor University Sammons Cancer Center on July 11th at 1:30pm. Already discussions have begun about how to treat after surgery should it really be cancer. I'm afraid I will end up with an abdominal incision. More pain, longer recovery.

Now I need to find out what stores (a yarn store?? a LYS??) might be nearby. I plan to arrive early, Dallas traffic can be bad. Maybe stay the night. Unfortunately DH will be out of town and won't be able to go with me. sigh.

On the down side, I found out I will have to do a bowel prep *yuck* and I forgot to ask about donating my own blood, whether I will have a urinary catheter in place, TEDS hose, IV Pain med pump and if drawing blood for a cancer marker would be worthwhile.

Oh well, I can always go back on Thursday or Friday. They are going to get tired of seeing me.

Decision made

Can't I just crochet my way out of this? Give me my hooks and some giant balls of yarn (pounders.. lots of them) and let me crochet myself a cocoon .. let me sleep away all this drama, emotionalism and HARD decisions.

The biopsy came back. It wasn't positive for cancer, but the news isn't perfect either like it has been in the past.

I have "complex endometrial hyperplasia with moderate atypia and squamous metaplasia". Basically what that means is that I have a 30% chance of the atypia turning into cancer. My uterus needs to come out. And everything I've found says that Atypia is a precursor to endometrial cancer.

I have no problem with them taking my uterus out. It's the fact that they also want to take my cervix and ovaries. I have had very little symptoms of menopause... and I'm very worried about being thrown into menopause with no help.

Also my cervix has never been a problem, every pap I've ever had has been negative. New studies suggest that the cervix is important for maintaining support of the pelvic floor (delaying or preventing prolapse) and may also play a role in sexual satisfaction.

I'm emotional and obsessive thoughts have taken over my brain. I can feel them, but I can't control them.

And I'm terrified. My doctor offered to send me to an Oncologist for a second opinion. An oncologist. Everytime I think about that I want to cry. I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and hide.

I go back to my docs on July 2 to ask my ton of questions. Surgery is scheduled for July 23.