Manic Monday Morning

Well, I have had an exciting start to the week. We've just started letting Sasha outside without her leash because it has been 3 weeks since she started showing signs of being in heat and everything I read said that 3 weeks is about how long it lasts.

Well, this morning, she took off.... last I saw her was runnning across the front yard headed for the wooden fence that seperates our yard from the field.

I went out with treats, walked all around the house and down to the road (we have a long driveway.. about a football field or so long) and back looking for her and calling and calling.. no response. Oh dear. Ok.. time to get in the car and go find her.

Get the keys.. I have a dead battery. With gas prices, I don't drive much anymore and my battery goes dead because of this. About this time, I realize it's Monday and today is the day the trashman comes (country service.. comes once a week in a big pickup truck). Now I'm panicking.. because this trashman has ran over one of our puppies years ago. I know Sasha is somewhat afraid of cars, but she still might be stupid. Trashman is due around 8am and it's already 7:30 when this is happening.

Can't get the hood open. Dang it. Can't find the inside latch to the hood. Call hubby and ask him where IS it. And tell him about the Dog. He says just do the best you can. I go back and finally get the hood open, put the charger on and jump the van off. Whew... go and close the front door that I had left open hoping Sasha would come back on her own.. grab some doggy treats and go looking for her.

As I'm driving slowly down our road calling her name out the window.. I hear a woman call out.. "Are you looking for a dog?" I say "I sure am.. I'll be right there" and get turned around and drive down to her house. Sasha had gone visiting. The lady had called the Pet Finder number on her tag, but they wouldnt tell her where I lived. All they could do was call me. I didn't get the call because I was in the garage trying to jump off my van!! LOL

Evidentally Sasha has not finished her heat.. the ladies pit bull was trying to mount her! Oh My. I think we'll be making an appointment to get her spayed very soon.

I've had my excitement for the day... All of this happend BEFORE 8am. And I was driving down the road in a thin caftan type robe sans underwear of any kind. Good Grief! what our loved ones put us through. And here I was thinking I want another dog.. I should have my head examined.

AlphaPillows

A long time ago (has it only been 3 years?) I made these for my dd to take with her to college.






You can find the patterns (not the whole alphabet unfortunately..) here.

Felting completed

Finally got the bag in the washer, but I think I left it too long. Oh well.. so it goes.









As you can see, it turned out slightly longer than a sheet of paper, and about the same width.

It is very fuzzy, I am considering giving it a shave with a disposable razor. The one I got free in the mail should do the trick!

The prefelting pictures are in the post below the Crockpot Chili post.

Crockpot Pizza

I saw this described in an email the other day, the cook said they just layered pizza ingredients and pasta and let it cook for several hours. I was intrigued, so gave it a try and it was delicious.

Here's my version:

2 cups of ground beef browned and drained.
1 onion, chopped and cooked with the ground beef.
2/3 box of Penne Pasta cooked and drained. (we use dreamfield's pasta .. low carb pasta)
80z (or more.. more would be better.. 8oz wasn't quite enough for our taste) of grated Mozzarella cheese.
1 small can sliced black olives, drained
1 small can sliced mushrooms, drained
Pepperoni (to taste)
2 jars Pizza sauce ( we used the Kroger store brand and they came in smallish jars, about 8 or 10 oz.. adjust to what is available in your area).

Layer in the order given

OR.. if you to be fancier, you could divide the ingredients in two or three and make lots of layers.. but I went the easy route.

Cook on low for 4 to 6 hours.

I didn't get started till late, so I put it on high for an hour then put it on low for 2 hours and then back on high just before we ate.

Serve with a green salad and bread (unless you are low carbing)

I want to try it again, but start early in the am and don't cook the pasta before hand. I think it will cook in the crockpot if given enough time. I know lasagna can be fixed with uncooked pasta.. so I think this would work too.

ENJOY!!

More felting to be done

I made another "Waves of Color" tote. I'm felting this one too, but the washing machine is currently in use, so all I can post right now are the pre-felting pics.








I have some Lionbrand Moonlight Mohair in this too, which I have no idea how it will felt, so this will be an awesome experiment.

As long as I'm sharing pics.. thought I'd share some of my doggies.

This is Fancy, psycho dog. She's very sweet to us, but goes absolutely bananas if strangers comes around. Picture Cujo with dripping jowls.. that's Fancy when she's upset. She has gorgeous blue eyes, but I couldn't get her to look at me at the right time.





Next is Tux, Fancy's sibling. He's a big TeddyBear.. all love and cuddles and tummy rubs. He looks scary and will bark, but if a stranger tries to approach him, he'll either back away or lie down and roll over. :)




Last, but not least is the newest member of the pet parade, Sasha. We adopted Sasha from a family that couldn't let her come inside anymore.. and I'm so glad we did. She's a riot. Funny and smart and we love her immensely. In this picture, I had just given her a bone and she's licking her lip cause it tastes so good!!




That's all for now.

An Old Photo

I know I haven't blogged in a long long time. Nothing wrong, just haven't felt like doing it.

I thought I'd share an old photograph today. You really need to click the photo to get the full effect.

This is a scan of an old picture that I finally got my dsis in Florida to email to me.

This is my great great grandmother, her name to my Dad & Grandmother was Dani or Danny (a corruption of Granny?) Her real name was Eliza Scott Hall (I think. I've not done my genealogy in quite a while..) She was from Troup County, GA. I'm not sure if Hall is her maiden or married name. I need to go dig out my genealogy books.






I think she is beautiful and that my daughter has some of the same facial features. I wish I had my dd's permission to post a pic of her face so the resemblance could be seen, but I don't, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Do you see the lace fingerless mitts? How lovely. And the bracelet or watch halfway up her arm? My dd wears her watch like that.. she's so slender that she often can't find a watch that will stay on her wrist.

Pulled Pork

I almost lost my "so simple it's sinful Pulled Pork" recipe.. so decided I'd better post it here so it won't get losted again.

(I've tried doing this in the crockpot and it just is NOT as good. The oven is the way to go.)

you take the pork roast and place in large pot or baking dish with lid with 1 stick butter (melted) and 1 cup cider vinegar, cover tightly and bake at 250 for 4 hours.. turning every hour.

At the 2nd turning.. if the cider/butter mix is really low and meat is starting to fall apart.. add another stick of butter, another cup of vinegar and turn heat to 225 and continue baking for 2 more hours. If meat is NOT starting to fall apart.. don't turn heat down.

when done, remove meat to large serving dish and pull apart with fork. pour 1/2 of sauce (recipe follows) over meat and serve rest on side ... (we've decided we don't like to pour sauce over the meat.. we just serve all of it on the side.. but this is because there's only 2 of us now and takes us a long time to use up the seasoned meat).

Sauce:

3 drops Green Tabasco sauce
1 1/2 Tbsp Black Pepper
2 tsp to 2Tbsp BBQ spice or rub (adjust amount to taste)
1 Tbsp Liquid Smoke
1 Tbsp Lemon or Lime Juice
2 Tbsp Worchestershire Sauce
1 C Brown Sugar (we use splenda)
1 C Ketchup
1 C French's Style Mustard
1 C Water
1 C Apple Cider Vinegar

Mix all together in sauce pan. May need to use whisk to make it combine well. Heat till it thickens slightly. Enjoy!!

We have the pulled pork with coleslaw and bbq or baked beans. yum yum.

I'm off to start one for supper tonight (it's 6am here.. think it will be done in time?)

Creamy Chicken and Potato Soup

Are you hungry? NO? You will be after you read this.

Homemade, from scratch, Creamy chicken and potato soup. Yum, yum.

Chicken Stock:

2 stalks Celery
2 or 3 boneless Chicken breasts
10 whole peppercorns
Bay leaf or leaves..
1 onion, quartered
6 cups of water


Combine all of the above in large pot or dutch oven. Bring to boil then reduce to simmer. Simmer, COVERED, for a couple of hours.

When done, strain broth and reserve for the soup. Save chicken to dice for soup. Throw out the limp celery & onions. (I suppose you could chop them finely before using in the stock and use them in the soup itself.. I haven't tried that yet).

2 med. all purpose potatoes (about 1 lb.)
1 med. onion
4 tbsp. butter
1/4 c. flour
4 1/2 c. chicken stock. (at least 4 1/2 cups....add water if your stock came out short)
1/4 tsp. black pepper, ground
1 1/2 c. cooked chicken (about 1/2 lb.) (use cooked chicken from stock)
1 c. broccoli florets (I used a small pkg of fresh broccoli, cauliflower & carrots)
1 1/2 c. milk
1 (16 oz.) package frozen corn.

Melt butter, saute onions in butter till almost clear. Add flour and stir until well combined. Add chicken stock a little at a time (1/2 to 1 cup at a time) stirring to combine with each addition.

Add potatoes, frozen corn and ground pepper (if using the carrots & cauliflower like I did.. chop them up and add at this point, save broccoli for later). Bring to a boil, then reduce to simmer. Simmer, stirring occasionally, for 15 minutes or until potatoes are tender.

While potatoes are cooking, dice chicken and cut broccoli into bite sized pieces.

Increase heat to medium and when soup is again boiling, add chicken, broccoli and milk. (I also had some leftover campbells cream of chicken soup that I threw in). Cook until broccoli is tender and chicken is heated thoroughly.

Serve and enjoy. Most of my family felt this needed salt added.. but as one of my family members has high blood pressure, I don't add salt while cooking... you may need to adjust for your families liking.

Of course, you can use canned chicken broth and canned corn.. ..but fresh is best!

Tag, I'm It!

I was tagged by 2Kute, so now I guess it's my turn.

Here be the rulez:


1. When tagged, place the name of the person and URL on your blog. Done


2. Post the rules on your blog. Done Did.


3. Write 7 things about yourself. Keep Reading


4. Name 7 of your favorite weblogs. Only 7? otay.


5. Send an e-mail letting those bloggers know they have been tagged. What.. I have to reveal??



So here are 7 things about me:


1- I have a new schnauzer named Sasha. She is just precious and dh and I have fallen head over heels in love. She's so smart and is learning new tricks.. like how to shred the yarn labels.. LOL


2- I am badly homesick for family and have been for 25 years.


3- I am on the road to being a cancer survivor.


4- I love crochet, chocolate and coffee. Not necessarily in that order.


5- I have two children in out of state colleges. Yikes!!.


6- I am descended from two different branches of religious dissidents, Huguenots and Salzburgers. Is it any wonder I'm a contrarian?


7-I am more in love with my husband than the day we married (April 17, 1981).


I am tagging the following 7 people:

Sue

Nancy

Cris (Surprise.. a non-crochet blog.. and Cris.. get a REAL blog would ya?)

Theresa (she hasn't posted in forever, maybe this will encourage her to start again)

Kathy

Tracy

Jimbo (again, not a crochet blog, but a hooking on the porch blog. I don't know how Jimbo will respond.. but it's worth it to draw more attention to his blog and to his charities.)

Ok.. now go forth and multiply.. I mean, tag some other folks. :)

Chikezie

So sad that Chikezie left AI tonight.

Day of Silence

I just received an email from AFA (American Family Association) with the headlines:

Homosexual "Day of Silence" coming to Texas High Schools
Your child's classroom may be disrupted by gay activism..

Well, that piqued my curiosity, even though I no longer have kids in HS.. so I did some investigation.

I eventually found this:

What is the Day of Silence®?

The Day of Silence (www.dayofsilence.org), a project of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), is a student-led day of action where those who in which concerned students, from middle school to college, take some form of a vow of silence to bring attention to the name-calling, bullying and harassment -- in effect, the silencing -- experienced by LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) students and their allies. This year’s Day of Silence will be held in memory of Lawrence King.


Now, I don't think Gay is the way to live a life.. but I really don't know how it is to be Gay,so I try not to be judgemental. I definitely reject bullying, name calling and harrassment for ANY reason at all.It seems to me that a Day of Silence is a quiet way to protest and drawing attention to the need for tolerance. A student who chooses this method of participating should be allowed (provided they don't have an assignment due that day that requires oral participation).

I expect this to be a controversial post. Like I said, I don't personally approve of gayness, but I abhor anyone being mistreated for ANY reason, whether they be gay, fat, have skin of a different color, etc.

Some links to check out.

http://www.dayofsilence.org/content/getinformation.html

http://www.rememberinglawrence.org/

http://www.rememberlarry.com/

DaVinci Hysterectomy

I just found that there is a video of the type of surgery I had on Youtube.

Embedding is disabled, so I'll just post the link to it. It's a looooong Youtube.. 63 minutes, but very cool. And it's not hard to watch. I was afraid, thinking it would bring back memories of all I went through, but it wasn't hard at all. And it's not gross or disgusting with bloodiness either.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJ5snlmUuxc


Alleluia! Christ is Risen.

Christ is Risen indeed. Alleluia!

*******************************************

Someone read the above post about DaVinci hysterectomy and never bothered to read the other parts of my blog......

Dear reader,

I am very aware of female anatomy. I do not need to be referred to where you wanted to send me and I won't refer others there. I do not chose to approve your comment because I don't want others misled.

When I was foundering about with my CANCER diagnosis I did contact them. They recommended a couple of procedures that IF I had followed ... I could have worsened my condition.

PLEASE read why someone has gone through a procedure rather than just having a knee-jerk reaction.

My hysterectomy was not performed lightly or for frivolous reasons, nor was it performed by a gynecologist as your comment inferred. It was to SAVE MY LIFE from CANCER!!! And it was performed by an ONCOLOGIST/Gynecologist.

sincerely,

The blogger whose cancer was caught very early and now has a 97% survival rate.

That's where I sail

Is this true? If the article is.. for SHAME. If it's not.. Shame on the reporter.

Crybabies

I was watching Greta tonight, well, actually last night and she had Joe Francis of "Girls Gone Wild" on there again, crying about his treatment in the Panama City, FL jail.

He said they treated him worse than the prisoners in Abu Ghraib. Oh come on now.

While I reluctantly support Mr. Francis's rights to fair treatment under the law... because if I don't support his rights, who will support mine if I should find myself in trouble?.... he really needs to acknowledge that while his business might be legal.. it is HORRIBLY distasteful to many of us, and if asked not to film in a certain town..he should move on down the road.

It's not like there aren't plenty of other towns near the beach that would welcome him.

They should've kept him in jail a little longer. I don't think he's learned his lessons yet.

Snow in East Texas!

Click any picture to see it larger.












The blurs in this picture are the snowflakes falling.

Felted Waves Of Color Tote

Waves of Color Tote

Literally, this is just off my hook. Finished and woven in the ends, but not yet lined.






Made from some of the scraps from the Diagonal Hues Afghan shown in an earlier post (G hook and "I Love this Yarn" from Hobby Lobby).

I plan to try it again soon, but in cotton.

Here's the pattern link, if someone else wants to try it.

Scars

Last Sunday, Feb 24, 2008, there was an essay in the Dallas Morning News called Cancer's Scars by Karen Blessen. It was talking about the emotional and physical scars that women with breast cancer bear. I urge you to read the essay if you have time.. it's quite good.

(March 13, 2012: It's no longer available at DMN, so I've tried to change the link to a different site that has the essay, but I can't seem to get it to work. So sorry. You can find a pdf for it if you'll google "Cancer's Scars by Karen Blessen")

(I'm going to stop right here and say I have a real ambivalence about breast cancer and all the attention it gets. Yes, it is horrid and I'm very glad that there is so much attention and focus on breast cancer so that it will be funded and maybe a cure found.. but what about those of us with gynecological cancer? Are we lesser sisters because our cancer is in a more "taboo" part of the body? Or because our cancer is hidden? You can remove ovaries, uterus, tubes, cervix.. even the vagina or vulva..[and yes, there is such a thing as vulvular cancer] and the results won't be immediately noticeable. Remove breasts and you can tell there's something different right away. Ok..off my soapbox for the moment, because I really want to talk about scars.)

The essay was very touching. Brought tears to my eyes. This is the part that got to me:

For centuries, many indigenous cultures in Africa, such as the Nuba, have been connoisseurs of scarification. These "beauty operations" are both ornamental and functional. Scars are proof of courage and evidence that one can endure pain without complaint. They represent stages of maturity, how many children a woman has borne or family lineage. They are regarded as appealing and erotic to touch. In some tribes, a scarified woman is seen as sexually demanding and therefore sought after.

In ancient India, warriors proudly showed their scars – if they were on the front of their body. Frontal scars were the mark of a fierce survival of battle. ....

I want my scars to be beautiful.

I know the chances I will ever again wear a two piece bathing suit or hiphugger jeans and a midriff top are very slim.. but if I were to.. it would soothe my soul to know that my scars would be looked upon as a sign of courage.

No one will ever know the courage it took for me to go into surgery. I came so close to turning around at the hospital. If I had not had my husband with me, I would've left.

I would like to feel whole again.

I was tagged!!

My friend Nancy gave me the above award last Monday.

Here's what she said about me on her blog.. Life's A Stitch 4 Nancy:

Compulsive Hooker ~ Lisa, bless her heart, has been through some really rough times this past year. I love hearing her adventures as well. She's a say-it-as-it-is person and I totally respect her for that.


Hmmmmm...well, I have been through alot last year, with the nest becoming completely empty and finding out I had cancer.. and dealing with the realization that I am mortal after all. But I've never thought of myself as a "say it as it is" person. In real life, I'm very shy.

But.. I think having cancer has made me outspoken at least here on my blog. I don't want anyone else to go through what I went through because of lack of knowledge. I might not be able to be a public speaker in front of a crowd.. but I sure as heck can type my opinions. :)

Thank you so much Nancy for the award. It was unexpected and greatly appreciated.

Next week, after I get DSL setup, and after I get back from seeing my oncologist, I'll see about spreading the joy.

Diagonal Hues in Blues

Made with "I Love This Yarn" from Hobby Lobby. Reds are Aubergine, Cranberry & Hot Rose. Blues are Royal, Medium & Light.

Pattern is here.

Madchen

1/2 Chihuahua, 1/2 mini-schnauzer and ALL HEART. Loved Fried catfish and raw baby carrots. Was not afraid of anyone or anything, except thunderstorms.

We love you, Madchen.

Eleanor of Aquitaine

Found a bit more trivia (true or not?? can't seem to find any corroboration) that explains why Kate Hepburn was so excellent in portraying Eleanor of Aquitaine in the movie "The Lion in Winter"

Supposedly, Miss Hepburn was descended from Eleanor via at least two lines, from Eleanors marriages to both King Louis VII and from her marriage to King Henry II.

Maybe I can find something to back this up.. the website only states it, gives no references.

Old Movies and CT Scans

Been watching classic movies all yesterday on TMC. Katherine Hepburn is greatly missed. I got to see African Queen, Rainmaker, Pat and Mike, Woman of the Year and The Lion in Winter.

I love the movie "The Lion in Winter". Not only am I somewhat of an Anglophile (lover of things british), but I also enjoy history and the interplay of people. I had always wondered what the "Aquitaine" mentioned in the movie referred to, this morning I finally took the time to look it up. Turns out the "Aquitaine" is a large bit of land in France, about 1/3 of current France.

In looking at some of the websites about Eleanor of Aquitaine, I found this quote: "No one ever mistook Eleanor of Aquitaine for a saint." I LOVE it. And no wonder Katherine Hepburn played the role so well. The part in the movie where Eleanor talks about going on crusade with her first husband (King Louis VII of France) dressed as an Amazon is true!! That sounds very like something that Kate Hepburn would do.

While I am too much of a homebody to want to have such adventures myself.. I do enjoy reading and watching others exploits.. even ones from many hundreds of years ago.

*************************************************

Tomorrow I go in for a CT Scan to follow up on my cancer. First time I will have to have IV contrast. Hope it doesn't nauseate me.

Dogs and Friendship

Madchen (the sick doggie from the previous two posts) is still at the vet. When I called yesterday about 4pm, they said she was still having seizures, but at the moment was resting comfortably. They're trying to get the seizures under control.

I'm so afraid that she's dying.

Yesterday before I took her to the vet, she was doing strange things. She tried to walk into the pantry.. never did that before. I took her into the bathroom with me while I was getting ready because I was worried about her. While in the bathroom she tried to walk into the shower.. and she HATES the shower. She was walking into walls and into things. She also peed on me as I was carrying her to the car, which is not normal for her.

Last night I dreamed of her, healthy, happy, ready to play. I don't know if I will get that happy dog back from the vet. I'm so scared. I think I'm experiencing anticipatory grief.

Well, on to happier subjects.

Two of my sisters had birthdays this month, I finally got their gifts in the mail, so now I can finally post pictures.

The first one is for my oldest sister. It's called a Celtic Knot Shawl and the pattern is at www.friendshipshawl.org

I know the picture is dark, sorry. There's a better picture on the website. I'm hoping I can get my sister to model it after receipt.






I made it out of Caron Simply Soft in Dark Sage. The picture on the friendshipshawl site shows it in soft sage, which is ok, but I liked the dark better. I didn't measure the shawl, but it seemed to come out very large. I think if I ever remake it, I will try it with dc's rather than the trc's that the pattern calls for.

The next one I call a Seashell Shawl (quite a tongue twister, no?) and it went to my youngest sister. Very apropros I think as she lives not too far from the coast.

It's called Seashell, because that is the color name of the Caron Simply Soft I used. Which I believe Caron has discontinued. Me and my luck with Caron.. sheesh. Seashell doesn't look impressive in the skein, but when it's made up, it just glows!!






The pattern is also available at www.friendshipshawl.org

Update on sick dog

The Vet thinks her heart failure just got dramatically worse for unknown reasons. He's keeping her today to start her on some injectable Lasix to help her pee off the fluid. She's put on almost 2 lbs of fluid in 2 weeks. He might keep her over the weekend.

He thinks the heart not being able to pump well enough because of too much fluid has caused the increase in seizures.

While this isn't great news, it's better than what I thought would happen. I thought they would tell me it was time to put her to sleep. Prayers are working.

Sick Doggie

I was just about to go to bed at 2am this morning.. when my little dog walked into the kitchen.. lost her balance on her back legs, regained, walked a little further then fell down and had a seizure. Not a bad one, but was incontinent of bowel and bladder. Poor thing. So I stayed up with her a little, gave her the antiseizure and her heart meds a little early.. and was about to go to bed at 3, when she had a grand mal seizure. 3 limbs thrashing and a 4th drawn up tight against her belly. She was also showing her teeth, making chewing motions and eyes wild looking. when the seizure was over, she had foam on her lips.

This was her 3rd seizure in less than 24 hours (she had a mild one at noon yesterday). She's also got some abdominal distention and has not had a good appetite since Tuesday. Right now she's walking around and walking into things that are below her line of sight... like walking right into her dish and the cats dish. that's not normal for her at all. I'm going to call the vet when they open and see if they can pretty please see her today. Heck, if they can't give me an appointment, I'll just go up there and sit and let them work us in. I think she's too sick to make it through the weekend without some help.

I'm so afraid that the vet is going to want to put her down. I'm not ready for that. She's been with us since about '91 or '92, I'm not sure if dd was in kindergarten or first grade.. but it's been quite a while.

I guess in a little while I'll take a shower and give the dog a bath at the same time, so at least she'll smell pretty for the vet. If so inclined, pray that they will have other remedies than putting her down. I don't know if I can do that without the kids here to tell her goodbye.

Immorality, Wyeth and the FDA

Have you ever heard of BHRT? Bio-identical Hormone Replacement Therapy.

Bio-identical Hormones are made by compounding pharmacies, bypassing the drug companies, and therefore affecting their profits. Many women and their physicians find that bio-identical hormones are much more effective with less unpleasant side affects.

Wyeth, a major drug company, manufacturers Premarin and Prempro, both hormone replacements. Premarin and Prempro are both made from Pregnant Mare's Urine. Pre-Mar-In (get it?). Since it is an animal and not a human hormone, Premarin isn't utilized well by the human body, and people who are allergic to animals really have a problem with it.

The Women's Health Initiative, a clinical trial for Hormone Replacement Therapy showed that long-term use of progestin and estrogen may increase the risk of strokes, heart attacks, blood clots, and breast cancer. Following these results, Wyeth experienced a significant decline in its sales of Premarin, Prempro. This was in about 2002.

Two years ago, Wyeth lobbied the FDA to regulate the production of BHRT. 40,000 individuals wrote to complain about Wyeth's action. The FDA didn't move immediately, saying that the issue was too complex.

Last month, January 2008, the FDA came out with a statement saying that it will “halt” compounding of medications containing estriol, an estrogen produced by the human body. Estriol is one of the most widely prescribed hormones and is regularly compounded with other bio-identical hormones pursuant to doctors’ prescriptions for women suffering from symptoms of menopause.

I smell a rat. I think Wyeth has had an attack on their bottom line and are trying to force women to have to use their less effective products, Premarin and Prempro.

So far, I am not on HRT.. and I will NEVER take Premarin or Prempro... not only do I object to Wyeth's actions, there's a familial tendency to have bad reactions to animal products.

I don't object to Wyeth making a profit, drug companies need profits to fund new drug research, which is very costly. But I do object to the immorality of Wyeth's and the FDA's actions to prevent women access to something that WORKS.

So count me as one who is boycotting Wyeth products when possible. I will no longer buy Advil, Advil PM, Robitussin, Dimetapp, Alavert, Caltrate, Centrum, ChapStick, Dristan, or Preparation H. There are many other alternatives or generic versions of these items available.

Mad as I am about this (or madder?) please follow the link and write or call your congressional representative.

www.savemymedicine.org

Interested in learning more about this issue? Here are some links to follow:

http://www.iacprx.org

Facts Don't Fit

Fight brews over natural versus synthetic hormones

Compounding Facts

FDA Asserts New Policy to Restrict Women’s Access to Bioidentical Hormones

Organizations supporting Wyeth..and how Wyeth is supporting the organization (can you say collusion?)

Valentines Day

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone.

I'm disturbed by the ignorance regarding the origins of Valentines day. It's not just something invented by retailers to get us to spend money.

Valentine's day has many origins, probably replaced a pagan (ie non-Christian) celebration of some sort. Many Christian holidays are timed to replace a pagan celebration to help the local populace to accept the new (at that time) religion.

There's a good discussion on this website:

http://www.history.com/minisites/valentine/viewPage?pageId=882

Personally, I think that it doesn't matter what the basis, it's a good time to have some sort of celebration, February often being a dreary month.

I have some other rants to make, but will save them for another day. Sufficient to the day is the evil thereof. (or something like that)

Back from Christmas

I haven't posted because of being so busy with christmas. I have been very very productive.. to the point that I haven't had time to make pictures or even get things into the mail.

Here's a couple of things I've been working on.. more pictures to come later.

A baby blanket for the grandson of one of the women my husband works with. Pattern is the "Little Victory baby blanket" pattern available at www.lionbrand.com. I reduce the starting chain to 66 when using babyclouds (like this blanket).






And a blanket I made for my son in his favorite colors of red & black. (had to have the gray to tone things down a little).






He's under the blanket..that's why it looks lumpy. This pattern is from the "40 favorite ripple afghans" book. Accidentally made it in exactly the same colors the pattern suggests.

The red & white at the bottom left is a different afghan that is in progress.

I'll try to get more pictures up in a few days after ds goes back to college.

CockaDoodle Doo (Rise n Shine)

I've been working on this for a few days, and finally finished it this morning.






The pattern is available here. I made a few changes: pattern calls for speed cro sheen (size 3 thread?.. size 5?) but I used sugar n cream (white) and peaches n creme (earth variegated, red, black). The pattern also calls for the comb and wattles to be made out of felt and to line the potholder with felt. I'm not going to line it, as I doubt it will be seriously used, and besides, most of my pot lids are insulated anyways. I also freehanded the cockscomb and wattle, and instead of beads for the eyes, I stitched them on with black.

I'm very happy with the results even though he turned out larger than the original because of the substitution of materials. Oh.. I also couldnt find my fiberfill to stuff the head with.. so I grabbed some white yarn that was lying around and used it instead.

Now, I wonder if I could improvise this into a Turkey potholder too. I probably could.. just make the neck on the head a little longer, but not sure how to do the tailfeathers.

Halloween Hilarity

A certain friend, who shall remain nameless (but he also blogs) sent me this picture in email today to celebrate the holiday. I don't usually like this kind of terminology, but this was so cute I had to share.

Boo Bees





Think about it.

Thoughts on a Thursday Morning

I hate it when blogger is so slow to load that I lose my train of thought. Yeah, I know I could use notepad and then cut n paste.. but I didn't want to do that... an extra step.

I was reading my "Eyes on the Prize" digest mail this morning, and one of the last entries was a memorial to a woman who had started the journey through the land of cancer in 2000, and ended in 2002. Two years. Maybe she was diagnosed alot further along than I was, but that still is a very short time.

If I only had a short time left.. what would I want to do? I want to see my kids graduate from college and be secure and on their own or in a stable, loving relationship. I'd love to see my grandchildren .. who would they look like? (if my kids are reading this.. PLEASE don't feel pressure to run out and get pregnant or impregnate someone... this is just my personal thoughts).

I'd love to travel. I want to see Ireland and Scotland. I've wanted to go there since I was little. I'd love to go to Salzburg, Austria and Dieppe, France.. where my ancestors who so believed in religious freedom.. left their ancestral homes to come pioneer in the new world. How hard that must have been! In the 1600's and 1700's.. there was no IM, no jets, no autos.. if they were literate at all.. it still would take months and months for letters to travel from Europe to the Americas (we weren't even the United States when my ancestors came).

What else would I like to accomplish? I'd love to get my yarn and supplies organized. When I was in a panic over having surgery, one of the things that I did to help me adjust was to write "farewell" letters to my husband and children. One of the things I wrote in my hubby's farewell letter was what to do with all my yarn!! LOL How silly that seems now, but I do have some yarn that could be sold to help with finances. Maybe I need to start working on that, with the huge hospital bills I have.

I am not happy with one of the after effects of surgery. I miss my sex drive. Now that we are cleared for everything.. I don't have the desire I used to have. My local gyn doctor isn't very sympathetic.. he just says I need to wait and see what happens. He doesn't want to give me hormones until cleared for them by my gyn/oncologist in Houston. And I understand that and agree.. since this cancer is estrogen driven, I do need to be away from any extra estrogen other than what is stored in my fat cells for awhile.

This is very early in recovery still, and maybe my libido will return. I want the closeness that intimacy brings, but I miss having the urge to do something about it!! And I know my husband does too. He's a quiet man, but when I asked him if he noticed a difference in me, he said yes and that he too missed it.

Maybe if I told the doctor my husband also misses my drive, then I'd get some empathy? Males tend to listen to males. Do I sound cynical? Probably, but I think it's actually realistic. If a man says his sex drive has gone on vacation, I think another male would consider it a serious situation.

I am thankful I haven't had to have internal rad.. cause after internal radiation, one of the things the docs tell you to do is to have lots of sex to avoid atrophy that the rads can cause. How do you have lots of sex when you have no desire?

I swear I will see the female gyn next time.. I think I communicate better with her. Oh, and I bought some Zoestra at the store the other day, and got home and the friggin' box was EMPTY!! Sheesh, I hate that. Now I have to find my receipt and go through the potential embarrassment of trying to convince the people at the service desk that I bought an empty box. Damn shoplifters.

Another WavyBaby Blanket

I used Caron Perfect Match in White, Hobby Lobby's I Love This Yarn in Soft Blue and TMA All Season in CloverPatch (the green). The picture doesn't show the detail of the green very well.. it has tiny flecks of yellow and blue in it.. very subdued.






The pattern calls for Baby Yarn and to start with a chain of 176; ending up with 175 stitches in the first row. I used worsted weight and chained about 132. I ended up having to undo some of my beginning chain. Eventually I had 118 stitches in a row and 6 "waves" per row in the blanket.

Now to go work on the "Impressive Plaid" blanket I started this weekend while hubby was glued to the tv watching football.

Going Green thanks to my BIL

After my surgery, my sister and brother in law came out to take care of me the second week of recovery.

Unlike me, my bil has to have something to do, so I found several small jobs around the house that my hubby and I just had not gotten to, or frankly, didn't know HOW to do.

Here's the results of one of the jobs.






I LOVE the smell of line dried clothes.. and sheets dried on the line are my favorite. They smell of sunshine and childhood. And now that I've reached the 6 week mark in my recovery, I can begin to use it.

Thanks again dear sis and bil for all you did for me. I won't soon forget your loving kindness.

"For whatsoever you have done to the least of these, ye have also done unto me".

Young at Heart Babyghan

Just finished another baby blanket. I'm trying to use up some of the hoards of yarn I have here (it's beyond a stash.. it's taking over my life!!)

This one was made with Caron SS brights. Pattern name is "Young At Heart" and is a pattern that is no longer available, originally designed for Caron's Dazzleaire yarn. Both pics clickable to see larger.

EDIT: I had the name of the pattern WRONG. It's really called "Young Hearts" and the pattern is found here.







Now off to make something else.

I have a little more than 12 oz of a yarn that Hobby Lobby used to carry called "All Seasons Yarn" by TMA. The color name is called Cloverpatch. It's a pale bright green with tiny tiny flecks of yellow. I mean the yellow is so vague you have to really look hard to see it. The color reminds me of Caron's Limelight.. but exetremely faded. I'm wondering if I put it and some white and the Caron Limelight together if it would make a decent ripple or wavy ghan. Just a thought.

Recent finished Projects & Some Ramblings

Supposed to be a baby blanket, turned out to be twin sized ..
when they say to use baby yarn, they MEAN it.. lol.

I used RedHeartKids in White and Camper (the variegated..think it's discontinued)
and Caron's Perfect Match in MidnightNavy.

I will probably donate it to Project Linus as this was a whim and stash buster.
I had finished a project September 8th while in a hotel room and was at a loss on what to do next. I found the pattern online, remembered I had this variegated that I had bought without having any plans for it.. the price was so good I couldn't pass it up.

Fortunately, I had never carried it in the house from my van. Sometimes being lazy pays off.

I thought had enough (4 skeins of each of the red heart and 2 skeins of the Caron)..
and I almost did, only had to order a skein of the PerfectMatch.

Pattern is here.




I keep calling this pattern "Lacey Cables" but that is wrong,
Coats&Clark calls it Crochet Cables Afghan.

It's supposed to be an adult size afghan, but I made it as a baby 'ghan, by doing fewer squares.

For the blue one I used HobbyLobby's "I Love This Yarn" in soft blue.

It's for one of the ladies who works for my husband.. she just had a grandson.




And here it is in RedHeart SoftWhite. Pattern is here.




This is not a free pattern, it's one I had finished long ago and could never decide who to give it to.

The yarn is some super soft baby stuff I bought from SmileysYarns.com (not cheap as you have to order 40.00 worth at a time) and the pattern is one designed by Terry Kimbrough.

I can't remember the pattern name.

I now know who this is meant for.. it will be mailed this week to my new great niece in Florida. Just perfect for them as they don't really need a heavy blanket in that climate.

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I still need to post the other half of the report on my surgery, but just haven't had the desire to do so.

I will report that I am one month out, and still can't believe I let this happen. I feel mutilated, empty, hollow. I KNOW this is not logical, but it is the way I feel.

I needed the surgery. I was very very lucky in that the cancer was so early that I will probably not need any more treatment other than fairly frequent followups for a few years. I read stories about other women who need radiation and/or chemotherapy and am so grateful that I don't have to go that route (at least not yet).. but still.. there is this overwhelming sense of loss.

I mean.. how to reconcile that from a very early age we are defined as different and special because we have the ability to give birth.. and then to have those organs surgically torn out of our bodies? I know menopause was on it's way and I wouldn't be able to create life after that anyways.. but then again, you read about women having babies in their 60's thanks to fertility treatments.

Part of my troubles with acceptance is that the cancer took the choice out of my hands.. well, not completely.. I could've chosen to not have the surgery and gotten much sicker.. but is that really a choice?

Very few people want to listen to me ramble my way through my self-therapy. Any wonder I spend so much time on Hyster-sisters & EyesOnThePrize ?

DaVinci Report, Part 1

I went into the hospital feeling healthy. Did not want this surgery. I know it's necessary, but I do not want it. Have not had time to get counseling that I sorely need. Offered to let my husband have it for me. Couldn't even get on the elevators at first.. had to let one group go ahead of us.

I was mad sitting in the waiting area. The hospital wanted $$ from us before the surgery. They called me into the financial office, only one chair. Hubby had check book.. I told them you don't need me. Went back to the waiting area and sat and crocheted. It was 10am, TV had a food show on and I had been NPO since midnight. MEAN!!!

I sat there and glared and crocheted.

Almost as soon as hubby came out of the financial office they paged me back to preop. Got undressed.. was given a bag to put my clothes in and a hospital gown and the stupid slipper socks to put on.

They started doing vitals, took my rings, watch, glasses, necklace gave them to hubby. I called the chaplain whose name had been given to me on the preop visit. She said she thought I was supposed to come in at noon.. I said no.. my surgery is at noon. She said I'll be right there!

She did manage to get there and we had a brief visit and prayer. I cried. The nurse came back and hubby said I was having anxiety. I said... not anxiety.. I'm grieving the loss of the woman I am now. The nurse went to get some medication.. she charted that she gave me Zofran and Versed. I think she only gave me Zofran, because I never got calm.

They moved me to the holding area and the anesthesiologist came to visit me. He asked if I would open my mouth, say ah and tilt my head back. I did, he said good. I asked about the epidural. He was surprised.. said they usually didn't do epidurals for DaVinci's. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I chose the wrong hospital... there's beginning to be so many little errors.

He said he would talk to my doctor. Ok, fine. I'm still crying. They ask if I got any versed. My husband tells whoever is asking that 2cc's of something was put into my IV, but we didn't see the vial.

My doctor comes over and sees me and asks if I have any more questions. I ask if she uses vaginal packing after surgery. She says no. I'm glad, one less thing to worry about. I give her my list of positive statements that I want said to me during surgery from Peggy Huddleston's "Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster" book.

Several people ask me to say my name and spell it. They want my birthdate. I started to ask if they wanted my drivers liscense or SS# too. They also wanted me to tell them what surgery was planned.

When I could tell them "DaVinci Assisted Total Laprascopic Hysterectomy with Bilateral Salpingo Oopherectomy and possible surgical staging".. they were all amazed. It amused them so much that I had to perform this feat for at least 3 other people. "you must be medical people" Yes and No. I believe in being well informed and taking as much responsibility as possible for my own health.

I have to say goodbye to my husband and they take me to surgery. Still awake, still crying. I boohoo all the way into the surgical suite.

The doctor and her assistant are looking at me with real concern in their faces.

They ask me if I got any Versed. I again tell them something was put in my IV, but don't know what. They're calling preop to check with the nurse, because versed and zofran were charted, but I'm still really sad. Just sobbing.

The anesthesiologist starts putting in the epidural, has to try 3 times. I feel something drip down my back during one of the tries and ask what I'm feeling.. no one will tell me. He apologizes for taking 3 tries.. I tell him the first time I ever had an epi it took 5 tries and that was 20 years and many pounds ago.. so 3 is not at all bad in my book. He said that made him feel a little better.

They then have me move onto the operating table. I'm thinking I wish I was asleep before all this happened. I'm so scared and I don't want this necessary surgery. Still crying.

I guess they finally decide to give me something for agitation, because I'm much too alert for their liking. asking too many questions that they don't want to answer. It burns for a minute and then it stops. Shortly after that, he says something like, say goodnight. and gives me something in my IV and the next thing I know I'm vaguely hearing someone say "no, let's leave it in for pain control".

I'm in the PACU. Post Anesthesia Care Unit. What we used to call the Recovery Room.

A little later, I'm in severe pain.. but not in my abdomen. My arm is killing me.. it feels like it did when I broke my humerus about 8 years ago.

I'm yelling.. "Help Me. I'm being ignored !!" One of the nurses came over and sharply told me you're not being ignored, there are other patients here.

I told her I was hurting very badly in my arm & shoulder. I heard her say to someone else.. gas pains. (In lap surgeries they pump your abd full of CO2.. and the gas can make you hurt in weird places.. shoulders are one of them). I told her no.. it wasn't gas, it was an old fracture .. and it hurt again. I had forgotten to warn anyone preoperatively that I have reduced range of motion in my right arm because I have adapted to it in my everyday life. I never think about the right arm being more fragile than the left.

They finally let my husband come in and he confirmed that I had had an avulsion fracture of my right humerus a while back. He rubbed it and made it feel a lot better. We talked a little bit. He told me something about the pathology report, but I'm still too groggy to take it all in. I got my wedding rings back. He had to leave because they only let family stay a little while in recovery.

I had a lot of discomfort from my shoulder, but no pain meds ordered for it. I just had to tough it out. We had asked for a private room, none were available. We waited and waited and waited. It seemed like there wasn't going to be a room available until morning and I would spend the night in the PACU. I asked to see my husband again.

They let him come in and we talked about whether to wait on a Private and let him go on back to the hotel or take a semi private and risk the fact that he wouldn't be able to stay with me the whole time.

We decided to wait on the private, and I sent him on back to the hotel so he could get some sleep since I would be in the PACU until morning (he had had a really bad day the day before surgery, so he was dragging).

Of course, about an hour after he left, a room became available. I got into my room about 1am.

~~I'll post more later. This makes me sad just to type it. ~~

Please stay tuned

I had surgery. It was successful. I am probably cured of endometrial cancer by this surgery.

I am also very tired and need to conserve my energy.

I will post all about the surgery et al when I am feeling better.

Unending thanks and gratitude to all the thoughts and prayers that were lifted up in my name. I could not have gotten this far without your help....my friends.

Ignorance as a route to happiness?

Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be diligent.

And sometimes you really really wish you had left well enough alone.

Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss.

I wish I was still ignorant.

This weekend I realized I had not seen a report of the evaluation of my biopsies by the laboratory in Dallas, that was done July 11th. So I called them today.

The pathologists there think they already see cancer.

Endometrial Adenocarcinoma, Endometroid type.
FIGO Grade I associated with complex atypical hyperplasia.

However, the ca that they saw is very small.. 2mm (less than 1/8th an inch). However, I'm still in shock. Went shopping for stuff for family then came home and cried.

I have the path report right in front of me and keep going over and over and over it.

Staging can't be done until surgery. We'll know more then.

I had this report faxed to my surgeon in Houston.

Willowy Peach Afghan

I'm working on an afghan made up mainly out of my own head...but the square pattern is from Jan Eaton's 200 squares book. It's the "Willow" Square. (that reminds me.. I haven't seen the Movie Willow in awhile.. might be time to dig it out again. Dang.. I just had a huge brain freeze on the actor in that movie.. the same one who played Jim Morrison in the Doors... sheesh)

Back to the afghan.

Colors are all by Caron Simply Soft.. Country Peach, Copper Kettle, Chocolate, OffWhite and (perhaps) Berry Blue.

Here's some pics of what I have so far.... still haven't figured out the perfect layout. And I go back and forth between liking the Peach & Copper or the Peach & Chocolate squares the best.

(please excuse the messy bed.. and the ends not woven in yet.. since I might be taking some of these back apart.. I didn't want to do that yet.)





The square in different color combos (one of them has a country blue instead of berry blue)




some other squares in the same colors...




Almost all the squares so far

Any opinions on what I should do? I'm waning to emphasize the peach color. DD says she likes the Peach & copper best.. and that I could mainly do it and scatter randomly (very randomly) the others.. then do the peach and chocolate as a border around the outside.

I dunno...I don't have enough made yet to lay that out and see.

I'm making this for myself.. as a cuddly for in the hospital (if I finish it in time) and afterwards. Peach is the color for endometrial cancer. They're still not sure if I have cancer or not.. but I'm trying to get myself mentally psyched.. just in case.

Houston Revisited

I am currently in Houston, staying at a Hampton Inn. Tomorrow I see a Gyn/Oncologist who is supposed to be qualified to do the DaVinci Robotic Surgery.

Since I have to have a hysterectomy, this is the way I want to go. I hope she approves me.

Houston has changed ALOT since I was last here. The hotel we're in was once an empty field. Amazing.

When do I get to grieve?

Well, I've finally come to the acceptance part of the five stages of grieving...I never thought I would get here.

I was stuck in Denial for quite a while, then Anger came along at having to have all of my female organs removed, I think Bargaining came in with wanting treatment with Megace and weight loss. Depression I am still moving through and have begun to accept that I will have to have surgery after all.

What I want to know is when do I get to be sad for myself? when will someone just hold me and let me cry? When will someone acknowledge that yes, it will be sad to no longer have uterine orgasms? I want someone to be sad for me.. and to QUIT TELLING ME IT WILL BE OK!!! Dammit.. it's not OK and never will be again!!!

I know I have to get this precancerous stuff out of me. Fine, I can do that. But please let me grieve.. hold me and let me cry without trying to make me feel better. Cry with me, it's ok.. I won't break just because I'm crying... but I need to cry and no one wants to let me.

Weekend Journal

Saturday I got up at 1:30 am.. started my walking routine. Still very depressed over needing this surgery.. so cried some more and went to a hysterectomy support site (they're neutral.. supportive of whatever a woman and her doctor decide is the best treatment) to bitch & moan some.

Got my CottonSwap at C'ville's box put together. I finally realized with a surgery date of July 23, I'd better get it in gear. So it's all ready to mail on Monday. I forgot to put a note in the box, but I guess I can write and mail a card seperately. Good thing I buy things on sale on impulse... I was able to put a really nice box together for her. It's already taped up or I'd make pics. (maybe I'll untape the bottom and make pics anyway.. we'll see.)

Got another walk in at 6am. Almost not raining. (we've had ALOT of rain here lately.. I keep expecting to see a man and his family out gathering gopher wood.. if I do.. I'm going to beg a ride.) Got back, cleaned out the front passenger side of the van for hubby and dug around in my yarn storeage and found a skein of yarn for a HIJ/RAOK gift.

Grabbed son's suitcase out of the back of my van to take in the house to pack for me. my suitcase has developed a sticky zipper, so I'm borrowing his.

Packed suitcase for overnight trip to Shreveport. Ate late breakfast.. Hubby came home and he started his packing for a week away from home.

10am..went on 3rd walk of the day. Hubby came with and I was able to complete the walk just a little faster than usual.. even with slowing down to catch breath a few times.

We finally left for Shreveport around 2pm. Stopped by the ProjectLinus coordinators home and dropped off two blankets and an unfinished quilt (son had started project at christmas and then with all the activities of senior year never got back to it. I was going to finish it.. but with impending surgery, I've decided there's no way.. Hopefully they can do something with it.).

Got to Shreveport, checked in. Went to Lounge and had free beers (well.. one & 1/2.. we each had 1 free and bought 1 more to share). Plus a few fried chicken wings to absorb the alcohol.

Then we went to Ralph & Kacoo's for dinner. Yum Yum. We both had she-crab soup and hubby had planked salmon and I had grilled shrimp and we both had steamed veggies. Hubby kept on drinking (martinis).. but I settled back to Iced Tea.. someone has to be a responsible driver.

I couldn't hardly eat any of mine, so we got a to go box. Went back to hotel and I fell asleep about 7:30. Woke up at midnight showered and went back to sleep until 3. Got up and got hubby to airport at 4am for check in. His flight left at 6..

Waited until he went through security at 5:30.. they even made him take off his belt.. lol I went back to hotel.. had breakfast (grits, eggs, sausage, biscuit, waffles.. omg.. I made up for not eating the night before).. then back to room for a short rest.

8am I got back on the road and was home 90 minutes later.

Hubby called me when he got to ATL and GVille and when he checked into hotel. (I'm not usually so insecure.. but with all I'm going through lately.. I'm very clingy right now)

When I got home, I took some very old Lorazepam I had.. and passed out in the recliner. I accidentally spent the night there .. never got moved into bed. I did wake up long enough in the evening to fix the leftover shrimp for my supper.. and bang I was out again.

I'm about to go start my Monday walk.. missed walking much Sunday.. weather was thundering when I was considering it around noon. I did park the car and do some walking around the hotel (this is an oldfashioned hotel.. everything is spread out and NO elevators).. so I hope that counted a little...

Sorry for the book.. but just what I did with my weekend. I still have to drag in my suitcase and unpack & repack. Gonna take a change of clothes with me when I go to Dallas in case the Oncologist suggests some tests that could be done the next day or I'm too tired to make it home that night.

Then next saturday I have to go to Shreveport to pick hubby up. Then Wed. the 18th.. we go through the early flight thing again...but I told him I might beg off from that one.. depends on how much cleaning I get done this week while he's gone. I LOVE him immensely.. but it's easier to get stuff done when he's not here. I have more room to pile stuff on the bed and don't have to continuously clean it off so he can sleep.

Ok ok.. Gonna Post this and go take my 2nd walk for Monday.

P.S. This has become my daily prayer.. and my signature line where I can add it (one place I post doesn't allow religious references.. so I took the reference to God out. If they still kick about it, I'll leave that group.. there's being tolerant and then there's being ridiculous.).
--
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." Reinhold Niebuhr

June 2007 Dishcloths

Most are from "A Dozen Double quick Dishcloths"










The Flower shaped one is from a book of squares & motifs.

Questions answered and more arise in their place

Went back to the doctor yesterday with my questions that had arisen over the weekend. 3 pages of them.

My doctor looked at them and started commenting about how smart I was to do this, I told her no.. it was my mild OCD kicking in and trying to regain a little control over the rollercoaster that has become my life recently. I was actually supposed to see both doctors, mine and her partner, (partner will be leading the surgery) but they thought partner had already left for the day. After I had finished talking to her, we found him and I got to talk to him also. Some of the answers were different, but not markedly so.

I got a lot accomplished. I got hormone levels done (4 sticks.. I'm a hard draw. Not complaining, just a fact) and I should get those results on Thursday. Hopefully this will show how far I am into menopause.

We discussed the possibility of keeping my cervix.. but that won't happen. sigh. Too much chance of cancer having invaded there.

I did get a script for Xanax. This has been very helpful. I took one after we got home and it relaxed me so much I was able to sleep for 2 hours straight. I will cut them in half from now on though... and be very judicious in taking them. I don't want to be zombied or too numb to work through the grieving process. But there are times that the crying just goes on and on and on..that would be the time to use the med. (this is when it was good that I had seen my doc first.. *male* partner said he wouldn't have given me anything.. ha.. he doesn't have to live with this overly emotional woman)

I also got a consult with a Gyn/Oncologist in Dallas at the Baylor University Sammons Cancer Center on July 11th at 1:30pm. Already discussions have begun about how to treat after surgery should it really be cancer. I'm afraid I will end up with an abdominal incision. More pain, longer recovery.

Now I need to find out what stores (a yarn store?? a LYS??) might be nearby. I plan to arrive early, Dallas traffic can be bad. Maybe stay the night. Unfortunately DH will be out of town and won't be able to go with me. sigh.

On the down side, I found out I will have to do a bowel prep *yuck* and I forgot to ask about donating my own blood, whether I will have a urinary catheter in place, TEDS hose, IV Pain med pump and if drawing blood for a cancer marker would be worthwhile.

Oh well, I can always go back on Thursday or Friday. They are going to get tired of seeing me.

Now for something completely different

I got these from the Holiday in July RAOK list on Crochetville.





The sunshine elf from Arizona sent me the above bamboo yarn. It is sooooooooo soft and huggable. I love it. and in one of my favorite colors too. Now I have to find the perfect pattern for it. I'm thinking maybe a scarf?






And the above beauties came from an elf in Brooklyn New York. They arrived the same day that we got my biopsy results. Such perfect timing has to be in God's hands.

I have discovered that I love crocheting with cotton. Oh dear.. do I feel another addiction building? probably.

Look at what my OCD has led me to buy now:





These I ordered from the Knitting-Warehouse (yeah I know.. the K word, but they have awesome shipping rates).






And these came from Elmore-Pisgah. Can you believe that those cones (1 lb of lovely cotton each) only cost 5.99!! They're a special run and when they're gone, they're gone.

The blue/tan variegated is called Mountain Sky. I love it.

The other variegated is called Passion. Just yummy.

The only problem is that I can't use the stuff fast enough .. LOL.

Now I only have to decide what to take with me to work on in the hospital (in case of abdominal surgery instead of the lap).

Decision made

Can't I just crochet my way out of this? Give me my hooks and some giant balls of yarn (pounders.. lots of them) and let me crochet myself a cocoon .. let me sleep away all this drama, emotionalism and HARD decisions.

The biopsy came back. It wasn't positive for cancer, but the news isn't perfect either like it has been in the past.

I have "complex endometrial hyperplasia with moderate atypia and squamous metaplasia". Basically what that means is that I have a 30% chance of the atypia turning into cancer. My uterus needs to come out. And everything I've found says that Atypia is a precursor to endometrial cancer.

I have no problem with them taking my uterus out. It's the fact that they also want to take my cervix and ovaries. I have had very little symptoms of menopause... and I'm very worried about being thrown into menopause with no help.

Also my cervix has never been a problem, every pap I've ever had has been negative. New studies suggest that the cervix is important for maintaining support of the pelvic floor (delaying or preventing prolapse) and may also play a role in sexual satisfaction.

I'm emotional and obsessive thoughts have taken over my brain. I can feel them, but I can't control them.

And I'm terrified. My doctor offered to send me to an Oncologist for a second opinion. An oncologist. Everytime I think about that I want to cry. I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and hide.

I go back to my docs on July 2 to ask my ton of questions. Surgery is scheduled for July 23.

To surgery or not to surgery

This is a very much non-crochet post.

I am going to post about my recent health difficulties regarding my menstrual cycle, so if this type of information bothers you, or it's not what you want to read right now, you may want to move along to another blog. Please come back later, I don't plan to focus on this exclusively. And while being sick this past week, have made lots of dishcloths and will have pictures up shortly.

Now, back to the health issues.

I've been dealing with irregular menstrual periods for several years now. It started maybe 5 or 10 years ago? I really don't remember how long ago, it's been a while. At first I'd just miss a period ...and I'd get all excited thinking that God had blessed me with another baby (even though my husband has had a vasectomy. Sometimes those don't work...I personally know a couple who have had a post vasectomy baby).

After wasting money on pregnancy tests a few times, I finally went to the GYN and she told me it was probably due to my being overweight, that fat tissue stores estrogen and since I have an abundance of fat tissue, I have more than enough estrogen for me. Joy.

At that time, I don't remember that we started any treatment, my periods were just irregular, and not unusual for me (my normal cycles are fairly heavy, lasting about a week).

A few years later, I am continuing the missing periods pattern, up to missing 3 or 4 months in a row and then when I do have one, it's a monster. Not painful, just heavy flow and clots. Unfortunately, the doc I had been going too moved away, so I had to find a new one.

I did find one, and she was ok at first. Put me on provera 10mg/day/ for 1st 10 days of the month. This was to fool my body into making me have a regular monthly period. This worked, but like the idiot I sometimes am, I didn't continue to take the medicine. I'm just not a good patient sometimes.

Things rock on, I get to the point where I'm 6 months between periods, but now I'm spotting almost all the time and when I do bleed.. whoa Nelly. My doc decides I need an endometrial biopsy. I agree.. not knowing what I'm in for.

OMG talk about pain!! I was completely unprepared for how much that hurt. And of course it came back negative (which I could've told her in the first place.. but she was being a good doc. and doing what she's supposed to do.. making sure I don't have cancer).

I keep going to this doc for a couple or 3 more years, still having spotting between periods. She knows this (or is supposed to) and yet she prescribes antibiotics once for a bladder infection that I don't have. Turns out they think I have a UTI because of blood in my urine. I'm spotting DUH!! of course blood is going to show up in my urine!! That ticks me off a little, but I let it go.

Second thing that makes me unhappy with this doc is that a year later she wants to do another endometrial biopsy. I ask for pain meds before hand.. they don't have anything to offer. I have some vicodin in my purse from a dental procedure. I ask if I can take that. The nurse checks with the doc and comes back and says unless I have someone to drive me home, that no. I can't take it. I don't have anyone to drive me. Phooey. The nurse gives me my med back and I take it anyway. I KNOW how the vicodin affects me and it's not too strong for me to drive while taking it.

The difference is amazing. This time the biopsy doesn't hurt. I drive home just fine. And again the biopsy is negative.

What really tore it for me with this doctor is something she didn't do. Along with endometrial biopsies, she's been having me get pelvic & transvaginal ultrasounds. I get them done in the town I live in because the cost isn't too bad. My doc is in another town an hours drive away. Well, she asks me to get them done in her town.. her reasoning being is that she knows the technique they use and is more comfortable with their radiologists interpretations. I think, ok, that's reasonable and agree to get the U/S done there.

Until I go to schedule and find out what their fees are. OMG, no way. You see, our insurance on me has a very high deductible so I end up paying most things out of my own pocket. Fortunately, except for this ongoing menstrual problem, I'm generally very healthy.

I'm not going to pay this other clinic this huge fee for the U/S when I can get it done much cheaper in my town. So, I get it done where I want to do it and go back for the follow up appointment. Doc says NOTHING to me about my not following her directives. This makes me think she's lying and I decide not to go back to her.

Fast forward 2 years. I'm still having monster periods and the spotting in between is nearly continuous. I decide it's time to start getting things done and besides our community has a new female GYN. I won't have to drive an hour to see the doc. This is good. (we've had a male GYN for a while, but I don't like going to male GYN's.. I generally find them to be MCP's and unempathetic. I said generally. I know there must be good ones out there, I just haven't run across them.)

So, went to see her June 5. Had regular checkup.. including pap. She also scheduled me for mammo and U/S. Mammo because it was time for another and U/S to check the bleeding problem. I know I have fibroids and maybe they had gotten really enlarged to cause the continuous problem. The doc and I discuss me trying the provera again.

Mammo & U/S were scheduled for June 20. In the meantime the docs office calls around the 10th or so and says they need to repeat the pap.. they couldn't get enough cells because of the bleeding. I'm no longer spotting now.. I'm having a real period.. inspite of taking the provera. I tell the docs office this and they schedule me to come in on the 21st.. thinking that my test results will be in and I'll probably be through bleeding. I could tell them that I won't be finished.. I hardly ever finish.. just slow down, but it will still be a good time to talk to the doc about the test results.

Come June 12th.. I start bleeding super heavily. I'm soaking a super plus tampon every few hours, and wearing a pad. I get up one morning and the tampon I put in the night before falls out of me into the toilet along with huge clots. Grosssssssssss. I've never had that happen before. Thank goodness for those toilet wand things where you change the scrubber out between uses. That worked to grab the tampon out so it didn't go into the septic system. Sheesh.. hubby would've been furious about that.

I'm thinking that this will only be a day or so of super heavy bleeding.. I've done that before. And besides, I have to take my son to orientation at his college in a couple of days.

Orientation doesn't go the smoothest, but I get through it. I posted about it a few days ago. I think I got overtired at orientation because since I got back home, my cycle continued on, very heavy.. having to change every 2 hours (which really disrupts your sleep pattern, let me tell you) and now I'm also HURTING. My abdomen is cramping, and my back and my hips ache. What is this? I haven't had dysmenorrhea in ages. I mean, it's bad enough that ibuprofen isn't touching it, vicodin isn't helping. Skelaxin WITH motrin helps some.. what works best is vodka martinis. But I don't like to drink during the day.. and don't really think alcohol is the remedy.. but it gets me through till I can see the doc.

With all this bleeding and now pain, if someone would have offered me a hysterectomy at that point.. I'd have said.. when and where. I'll be there.

Finally by June 20, my bleeding is beginning to slow a little. I can occassionally go 3 hours between changing. I get mammo done.. there's a spot, but it clears on compression. Technologist wants me to come back in 6 months, but the radiologist says 1 year. Maybe I'll split the difference and do 9 months?

U/S also goes well. I do still have fibroids but they're very small. Unlikely to be the cause of the excessive bleeding. My endometrial lining is very thick though. Ovaries are small (normal for my age).

so, yesterday I go to the Doc, still bleeding. I tell the nurse and tell her I'd like to talk to the Doctor even if we can't redo the pap. The Doc comes in and says that the tests were good, nothing bad showed up and that in the light of my heavy bleeding she'd like to do an endometrial biopsy.

Lovely.

I ask if she can give me pain medication before hand. She says all they have is 800 mg of Motrin (Ibuprofen). I reluctantly agree (wishing I had brought my vicodin from home). Even with the motrin onboard, I'm scared. Upset, crying, nauseous and almost fainting at one point.

I get through it.. it's not too bad. Uncomfy, and the speculum kept coming out of me (never had that happen before) and then one time there was a quick sharp pain, as if someone had pinched me on my inner thigh.. but that was it. Not bad at all, thank goodness. One thing that helped is that I was already dilated a little from bleeding. Before, with the second Doc, she always had to dilate my cervix a little to get inside to take the biopsy. I think she also took a biopsy from the vaginal wall. I do know I'm not allowed to wear tampons for a week. ewwww.. I hate using pads.

Good and bad points about the biopsy:

Good in that IT IS OVER WITH until next time.

Bad in that I have to wait another week to get the results.

Good in that she's willing to do a hysterectomy on me

Bad in that my anatomy is such that a vaginal approach won't work.. she'll have to go through the abdominal wall.

They don't do endometrial ablation in that office (a burning away of the endometrium.. sometimes cures heavy bleeding.. sometimes doesn't), so my choices to cure the bleeding are either birth control pills or a hysterectomy.

I'm still thinking, and will have to see what the biopsy shows.. but.. if there's no cancer.. I'm considering giving the BC a try... at least until the first of the year.

Then if BC isn't working, in Jan or Feb have the surgery.. so my deductible would be met for the year.. and I'd have a whole year to get other work I need done accomplished.

I think I'm going to ask my hubby if he can come with me to the Doc next week.

New WM Uni's

Does anyone else think that the "new" walmart uniforms (navy polo's and khaki pants) look like the "standardized dress" that many schools now require?

I don't know whether to hate the new wm look (MUCH harder to find someone to help you) or to laugh at it and be thankful because it will give those of us who are fighting school uniforms just one more piece of ammunition.

Standardized Dress? You mean you want to program my child to work at WM?? Get REAL!!!!

It's scary though.. I found a website where WM serfs were posting about the new requirements.. and here's part of what one of them posted:

" I have been wearing this uniform for almost 3 years. ... You don't have to wonder what your going to wear, the expense is cheaper ... , and it doesn't make me feel inferior or superior to the management team. You can wear any kind of shirt that is within the colors as long as they don't have any writing or emblems that are not WalMart (they can be plain shirts).
...."

Sounds EXACTLY like some of the pro-uni arguments I've read. Someone (the walmart worker and the people in charge who instigated the new uni) bought the propaganda. :(

Orientation Blues

Well, the orientation visit to my sons university went well. For the most part.

He will be attending Northwestern State University of Louisiana in Natchitoches, LA (Natchitoches is pronounced Nack a dish or Nack a tish). NSU is a great small university (houses the Scholars College of Louisiana and has a very strong math & science department) and I love the town of Natchitoches too. The movie Steel Magnolias was filmed in this town.

We arrived Friday early enough to have a very nice dinner at The Landing and then made a trip out to the local WalMart to buy some things we had neglected to bring with us.

I had a hard time going to sleep Friday night.. finally dropped off about 1am and woke up at 4:24 AM.. and couldn't go back to sleep. Argh.

Got to the school in time to get a great parking place, got registered, turned in his Selective Service ( I kept wanting to call it Secret Service..lol) and vaccination info. Found that the Transcript that the HS gave us wasn't official (envelope wasn't sealed). I had questioned the person in the HS office about that, but they assured me it was fine. Sheesh.... That will teach me to deal with someone less than the secretary. But not a huge deal, they let him go on and register.

We then got to wander around and visit with other students and parents for 90 minutes until they were ready for us to go into an auditorium. There was a nice presentation, really cute routines and then they took the students off in groups to talk to them about the university.

Parents got to stay there and listen to other talk and we got to ask lots of questions.

Then they sent us all to lunch at the main dining hall. The leader of the orientation said it was only about a 1/2 mile away, but did advise us to drive because of the rain forcast.

Guess what? I didn't want to lose my great parking space so I walked. BAD decision. I didn't even get my unbrella out of the van. another BAD decision.

I saw my son at lunch.. he was doing the "if I ignore her, maybe she won't see me and come talk to me routine". Too funny. I sat a few tables away and alone.. and his new friends guilted him into coming to talk to me.

After lunch, I started walking back to the auditorium (by the way.. NEVER believe a skinny person when they say a walk is only 1/2 mile.. that was at least a mile walk if not further) and the bottom fell out of the sky. I walked halfway back and all kinds of cars passed me by.... I didn't expect any help as I didn't know anyone there, but it was discouraging. I got about 1/2 way back and was as wet as if I had stepped out of the shower when a car with NSU emblem on it stopped and gave me a ride. It was almost useless at that point, but I took it anyway.

I spent the rest of the afternoon freezing in the auditorium. I did try to go to the ladies room and dry off with some paper towels, but they were out of towels. No one had thought to make coffee for us freezing people either.

One lady came in the restroom and stripped down to her underwear and wrung her stuff out before she put it back on. I didn't bother.. no use.

They never told us where to find out kids again. I was so frustrated with the university by this point that I would've left if I had been able to find my son. I looked at the schedule for the kids and went to the building they were supposed to end up at. I was so tired.. and there was NO ELEVATOR from the ground floor to the 1st floor. arrrrggghhh.. I thought the Disabilities Act made elevators required?? so I climbed stairs, exhausted. Still couldn't find kid. Sat and waited and called hubby and griped and waited and son FINALLY showed up.. he dumped all his papers on me.. and he went to get his ID made.

We were finally finished at 4:30pm. Starving. Decided I was too wiped out to drive 2 hours back to camp (where son is working) then another hour home. Besides, road to camp is red clay road and with the downpour of rain.. that road scares me. Tried to get room at HI.. all they had was smoking.. so went back to Hampton. Sweet talked girl at Front desk into AARP rate even though I couldn't find my card. Went to dinner.. slept.

When I drove son back to camp yesterday, I was right about the red clay road. It was almost washed out at one point.. to where there were two water filled holes at the bottom of a hill.. and the holes were catty-corned to each other and couldn't avoid either of them (right hand side of the road had a sheer drop off and the left side, trees were down). I could fell my van sliding as I went through them at 5mph.

On top of all this, I have had bad menstrual bleeding since Tuesday.. and it's not getting better.. (yes I am seeing a doc about this). Just difficult dealing with HAVING to visit a bathroom at least every 2 hours if not more often. And pain.

I am tired and I think I am going to go order myself some cotton from elmore-pisgah as a reward for all this.

Son is signed up for 18 hours (including 5 hours of band) and wants to join a band fraternity. We still have lots of things to do, like setting him up a local bank account in that town, buying his meal plan, reserving books, finding SOMEWHERE to get a menningitis vac.(I've been battling with our doc's office for at least a month over getting one... this is a whole another blog post..later).. but at least he's now an official student.

I don't know whether to be happy for him or sad for me. A little of both I suppose.